Hope to Cope with Grief During the Holiday Season
It’s that time of year again, when the festive lights twinkle, holiday commercials fill our screens, and conversations turn to gratitude, family gatherings, and celebration. For many, the holiday season is a time of joy and connection.
But for those grieving the loss of a loved one, these very traditions can amplify feelings of loss, heartache, and loneliness. While glowing signs in stores and on street corners radiate messages of “Hope” and “Joy,” your internal world may feel hollow. Grief during the holidays isn’t just about missing someone – it’s about re-learning how to live, love, and even hope again in a world that has changed.
If you find yourself in this space, please know that your experience is a natural part of the grieving process. Your pain is not a weakness or a failure to “move on”; it’s a reflection of the deep love you carry for those you’ve lost.
Hope to Cope During the Holidays
From an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) perspective, we understand that grief isn't just about losing a person – it's about losing a profound attachment. When we lose someone we deeply love, our secure base – our sense of safety and connection – can feel shattered. The holidays, with their emphasis on togetherness and family, can make that emotional wound feel even more exposed.
So, how can we hope to cope with grief during the holiday season?
Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
The first step, and often the hardest, is to give yourself permission to feel whatever mix of emotions come up. There's no "right" way to grieve, and there's no timeline for it. EFT teaches that painful emotions aren’t enemies to be fixed or avoided—they’re meaningful signals rooted in our deepest human need for connection. Grief, through this lens, is not something to “get over,” but a process of honoring the bond we had, and still have, with someone we’ve lost.
Rather than pushing away sadness or anger or "being strong" for others, EFT invites turning toward those feelings as messengers trying to tell you something important about your loss and your needs. What does this sadness say about the love you shared? What longing or fear lives underneath the surface? When we give these emotions space, we honor not just our grief, but the love behind it.
Lean into Safe Connections and Support
EFT emphasizes the importance of secure bonds. When we’ve lost a significant attachment figure, it only increases the importance of leaning on other connections that can offer comfort and support. Reach out to those who can sit with your pain – friends, family, a partner, or a support group. The presence of even one emotionally attuned person can help co-regulate the emotional storm, restore a sense of emotional safety, and remind you that you’re not alone.
Create New Rituals or Adapt Old Ones
The holidays are steeped in tradition, and these can be comforting or painful reminders of who is missing. Consider gently reshaping the season by adapting old traditions to include your loved one in a new way, or create entirely new rituals that honor their memory. This could be lighting a candle, sharing stories and photos, setting a place at the table for them, cooking a special dish they loved, or volunteering in their name. These rituals can help you stay connected to your loved one in a meaningful way and continue your bond with them, even in their physical absence.
Practice Self-Compassion in Planning
Your capacity for joy and participation might be different this year, and that's okay. Give yourself permission to say "no" to invitations, to take breaks, prioritize what you need, or to simply be quiet when you need to. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend going through a difficult time, and create space to tend to your emotions as they arise. Holidays don’t have to be “happy” to be meaningful, and it’s okay if the holidays look and feel different this year.
Seek Professional Support
If your grief feels overwhelming and too heavy to carry alone, please know that you don't have to go through this alone. A professional counselor can help you process the pain of your loss, rebuild emotional bonds, and reengage with life and the loved one you lost —even in the shadow of absence.
Glimmers of Hope
Hope doesn't mean pretending everything is okay. In EFT, hope emerges when we feel emotionally held—when someone truly sees our pain and stays present with us in it. The holiday season may never be the same. But with connection and support, rituals of remembrance, and attunement to your emotions and waves of grief, it can still hold moments of meaning—and even glimmers of hope.
If you are struggling with the weight of grief as we approach this holiday season, consider reaching out today about grief counseling.
