What Is Emotional Regulation?

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I often talk with clients about emotional regulation and how it affects both our internal experiences and our relationships. Emotional regulation is not about suppressing how we feel; it’s about learning how to understand, manage, and respond to our emotions in ways that are healthy and constructive.

Emotional Regulation vs. Emotional Dysregulation

At its core, emotional regulation refers to our ability to manage and respond to an emotional experience in a way that aligns with our values and goals. When we’re emotionally regulated, we can pause, reflect, and choose how we want to respond rather than react impulsively.

Emotional dysregulation, on the other hand, happens when we feel overwhelmed by our emotions or when our emotional reactions are out of proportion to the situation. This might look like yelling during an argument, shutting down when something feels too hard to handle, or spiraling into anxiety or hopelessness.

Dysregulation is not a failure—it’s a signal. It often tells us that something needs our attention, whether it’s stress, trauma, unmet needs, or internalized patterns from our past.

How to Recognize Emotional Dysregulation

Our bodies often give us clues when we’re becoming dysregulated. You might notice:

• A racing heart or tight chest

• Feeling restless or agitated

• Difficulty concentrating

• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected

• Becoming easily overwhelmed or irritable

These signs are the body’s way of saying, "I need help regulating." By tuning into these signals, we can begin to understand what’s happening internally and respond with care instead of judgment.

Tools for Regulating Emotions

Emotional regulation is a skill—and like any skill, it can be learned and strengthened over time. Here are a few strategies that can help:

Breathwork and Grounding Techniques

Deep, intentional breathing or grounding exercises (like feeling your feet on the floor or naming things you see around you) can help bring you back to the present moment.

Name the Emotion

Sometimes just identifying what you’re feeling—"I’m sad," "I’m angry," "I’m anxious"—can reduce its intensity. Naming helps shift our experience from reactive to reflective.

Self-Compassion

Talk to yourself like you would a friend. Replace self-criticism with understanding and kindness.

Body Movement

Gentle movement like walking, stretching, or yoga can help release stored tension and calm the nervous system.

Routine and Rest

Emotional regulation is much harder when we’re running on empty. Make time for sleep, meals, and moments of calm.

Therapy and Connection

Safe, supportive relationships give us a place to practice co-regulation—learning to regulate emotions in connection with others.

The Impact on Ourselves and Our Relationships

When we are emotionally regulated, we can show up more fully—for ourselves and for our loved ones. We’re better able to listen, to set boundaries, to offer empathy, and to communicate clearly. Regulation allows us to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting out of fear or frustration.

Being in tune with our emotions helps us be more in tune with our bodies. We begin to notice patterns, understand triggers, and build a sense of safety within ourselves. This emotional awareness fosters deeper connection with others and creates a strong foundation for healthy, supportive relationships.

A Journey Toward Wholeness

Emotional regulation isn’t about being calm all the time. It’s about knowing how to care for yourself when emotions feel big. It’s about learning that all feelings are valid, but not all actions are helpful. And most importantly, it’s about building trust in yourself to navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience.

If emotional regulation feels difficult right now, you’re not alone. With support and practice, you can develop the tools you need to feel more grounded, connected, and empowered in your life and your relationships. 

Reach out today to schedule an appointment with an Emotionally Focused Therapist, and journey toward emotional regulation with guidance and support.