Divine Mercy and Christian Couples Counseling

John 20:19-31

“On the evening of that first day of the week,
when the doors were locked, where the disciples were,
for fear of the Jews,
Jesus came and stood in their midst
and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side.
The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.
Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you.
As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”
And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them,
“Receive the Holy Spirit.
Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them,
and whose sins you retain are retained.”

Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve,
was not with them when Jesus came.
So the other disciples said to him, “We have seen the Lord.”
But he said to them,
“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands
and put my finger into the nailmarks
and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

Now a week later his disciples were again inside
and Thomas was with them.
Jesus came, although the doors were locked,
and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.”
Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands,
and bring your hand and put it into my side,
and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”
Thomas answered and said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me?
Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples
that are not written in this book.
But these are written that you may come to believe
that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God,
and that through this belief you may have life in his name.”

The Lord’s Divine Mercy is so eloquently shared in the Gospel of John. Jesus appears twice, sharing peace with the gift of the Holy Spirit, to the disciples though they are hidden and locked in the upper room for fear of the Jews. He finds the disciples, despite them hiding behind locked doors, and embodies His divine mercy by joining with them in the midst of their pain and turmoil to bring peace.

How many of us, within our own relationships, are like the disciples- hidden and locked in rooms of despair or turmoil? Perhaps even too fearful to unlock our door and let someone in? 

Painful Experiences in the Couples Relationship

Take a moment to imagine what it must have been like for those disciples, wrapped in fear, grief, shame, and guilt, as they fled following the arrest of Jesus. What a profoundly heartbreaking experience it must have been to see Christ, their beloved teacher and friend, persecuted.

What are the painful experiences in our lives that, like the disciples, we have fled from to protect ourselves? What experiences have influenced the isolation of our figurative upper room?

In a relationship, painful experiences such as infidelity, betrayals, and miscommunications can lead us to retreat into a place of protection. The walls, doors, and locks of our room not only serve to protect us from the outside but also keep us contained within the pain, where we are on guard and separated from our own partner. While this retreat is well-intended to keep us safe, it does not allow us to achieve our full potential for happiness and communion with our loved ones.

Our Upper Room

In that upper room, the disciples were protected by walls and locked doors. Despite this, Jesus finds them and appears in their midst. In that moment, where all hope seemed lost and fear had set in, Jesus finds them, sharing peace and breathing the gift of the Holy Spirit onto them. He does not critique, chastise, or reprimand them; instead, He provides exactly what they need to begin moving beyond the walls of the upper room.

In Christian therapy, the role of the therapist is to find that room, to be present alongside you, and to embody the mercy and compassion Jesus shares with His disciples.

Touching the Pain

Jesus appears in the upper room to the disciples, bringing peace, the gift of the Holy Spirit, and displaying His wounds. Thomas, who was not present when Jesus first appeared, doubted and said he would only believe if he touched Jesus' wounds and pain.

How many of us are like Thomas—doubting and disbelieving unless we physically see and touch our partner's pain? The walls of our upper rooms not only serve to protect us but also serve to keep our partners from experiencing, seeing, and touching our pain.

Corrective Experiences in Christian Couples Therapy

In the Gospel of John, Jesus displays His divine mercy and models for us how to be present amidst pain. Christ shows us throughout the Bible, especially in this Gospel, how to be compassionate partners when our loved one is in pain. By being present and acknowledging the pain, we can create a new experience that allows our relationship to move beyond the walls of its upper room.

The role of the Christian therapist is to embody and model Jesus’ mercy, love, and compassion. The goal is to find those who are locked away, hidden in their own rooms, to be present with them, and to help facilitate a new experience, moving beyond the walls of their upper room to achieve full communion in the relationship.

If you and your partner are hidden in your own figurative upper rooms, reach out to schedule an appointment with a Christian Counselor today.