Weathering the Storm: Thriving as a Couple When Life Gets Heavy
We’ve all been there: the ‘perfect storm’ where work deadlines, family drama, and health scares all seem to land in the same week. When stress hits high gear, even the strongest couples can find themselves snapping over unwashed dishes or retreating into icy silence.
From the perspective of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) —a gold-standard approach to modern relationships—the key to surviving these seasons isn’t just better time management. It’s about protecting your connection.
Here is how to stay ‘us’ when the world feels like it's against you.
1. Identify the ‘Common Enemy’
In high-stress seasons, it is incredibly easy to view your partner as the source of your frustration. If they forgot to pick up milk, they aren’t ‘lazy’—they are likely as overwhelmed as you are.
EFT encourages couples to externalize the stress. Instead of turning against each other, turn together against the situation.
The Shift: Move from “You’re not helping me” to “This schedule is exhausting us both. How can we tackle it together?”
2. Recognize the ‘Protest’ Behind the Grumpiness
When we feel disconnected or overwhelmed, we often react in one of two ways: we pursue (nagging, criticizing, or demanding attention) or we withdraw (shutting down, escaping into a phone, or leaving the room).
In EFT, these are seen as ‘protests’ against losing the connection with our partner.
The Practice: If your partner is acting out, try to see the underlying emotion. Are they feeling lonely? Scared? Inadequate? Responding to the fear rather than the snappiness can de-escalate a fight in seconds.
3. Prioritize A.R.E. Moments
Dr. Sue Johnson, the pioneer of EFT, uses the acronym A.R.E. to define a secure attachment. Even when you only have five minutes between Zoom calls, try to be:
• Accessible: Can I reach you?
• Responsive: Do you care about my feelings?
• Engaged: Will you stay close to me?
A simple 30-second ‘soft landing’ when one of you gets home—a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or eye contact—signals to the nervous system that home is a safe harbor, not another battlefield.
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to have it all figured out to be a great partner! EFT teaches us that vulnerability is the antidote to distance. By admitting that you're struggling and reaching for your partner's hand, you turn a high-stress season into a season of deepening trust.
If you are ready to deepen trust in your relationship, reach out to our team of couples therapists to start feeling relief.
