Why Does Grief Come In Waves and How Can You Heal
Everyone experiences grief at some point. Whether you’re dealing with the loss of your loved one, health, home, or livelihood, the pain can be intense and overwhelming. While there’s no timeline for getting through grief, we’re here to help you work through your pain so you reconnect with what matters most, and live a rich and satisfying life.
Have you ever felt like you’re ready to move forward, only to be caught off guard with overwhelming emotions again? Grief tends to come in waves. That can make it difficult to move into the next chapter of your life after a loss. It keeps you on edge and can contribute to issues like anxiety or even depression.
But, why does grief work like that? Why does it come in waves? More importantly, how can you move forward and truly heal after a difficult loss?
Understanding the Stages of Grief
We often talk about grief through stages, but for all of us who have felt the agonizing pain of loss, healing doesn’t happen on a linear path. We can fluctuate from devastation to profound confusion, anger, and loneliness, caught in the spiral of deep pain. Most of us won’t pass neatly through stages. So how do we know healing is underway?
Grief invites us into a series of tasks whereby, allowing ourselves to feel the range of emotions, we reconnect with what matters, come to terms with our pain, and move more freely through life with a revived spirit and heart. In this process, feeling fresh waves of grief is not a liability or a step back, but your body allowing you to to step forward. Leaning into and feeling your emotions is the most effective way to access the full potential of healing, growth, and positive change.
Grief Triggers in Everyday Life
Another reason grief tends to come in waves is because even when you keep living your life, you’ll undoubtedly be reminded of the person or thing you lost at some point. Maybe you finally decide to donate your loved one’s clothes that have been in the closet for months. Maybe you walk by your old home that you lost in the divorce. Or, maybe you have lunch with a former co-worker after you got fired from your job.
These everyday triggers can cause the pain of grief to feel very fresh and overwhelming. You might feel like you’re back at square one.
But, again, the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel those feelings. Don’t push them down or tell yourself you should be moving on. Emotions expanding is actually a sign that you are moving forward - "the ability to feel our feelings - to actually experience our feelings as sensations moving through our bodies - is the most efficient and effective method of healing." (Rheem & Rosoman, 2023, p. 4).
How Can You Heal From Grief?
Healing from grief doesn’t mean forgetting who or what you lost. You’ll always remember the people and things that were precious to you.
But, you don’t have to let those losses knock you down every time you think about them. Consider developing a new relationship with your grief. Don’t pressure yourself to get rid of it, but rather ask yourself, “what is this big feeling trying to tell me?” Give it room to breathe, with gentle curiosity and compassion.
We know this is hard work! We want to help you make a plan for how you can care for yourself in this place by prepping ahead of time: What support might you need after holding the uncertainties and range of grief?
Perhaps you’d like to:
Spend time outside
Go for a walk
Reach out to a loving, safe other
Have a warm bath
Journal in your favorite coffee shop
Listen to music you enjoy
Distract yourself with an activity
Forming a relationship with your grief looks a lot like self-care! By prioritizing practices that promote your well-being, amidst difficult emotions, you’ll have support for getting unstuck when those moments of pain wash over you.
It’s also important to recognize that you don’t have to hold grief alone. Science shows us that holding pain, within the context of safe and loving relationships, changes everything! Lean on your support system, and open up to those who might be going through the same thing. If you find you’re stuck, consider working with a therapist to explore where the pain might be getting blocked. Our goal is to help you experience relief and reconnect with life wholeheartedly again, using proven processes that work. Reach out to learn more about grief counseling.