The Secret about Bad Communication
This is the person you love the most in the world, and yet lately you can’t carry out a normal conversation. Maybe the fighting started pretty innocently - a small tiff here, a miscommunication there - but pretty soon the bad moments piled and it became:
“I can’t get him to listen!"
“Here we go again…”
“You’re not hearing me.”
“I can never get it right.”
“Maybe we’re just not compatible.”
When breakdowns happen, we start pointing fingers. As humans, we can’t help it - it’s adaptive to try and figure out where all this pain is coming from, so we can fix whatever is going wrong. But we’re often led to the same awful place: It’s either you, me, or us… Ouch. Take it from us:
It’s not your fault, their fault, or a compatibility problem.
You’re human, and disconnection is part of connection- it helps us adapt, grow, reflect, and revise what is old so we can transform into something new or deeper! Much of creation follows the same pattern: whether we look at through the lens of science or faith, the transition from life to death back to life is everywhere.
Life, Death, Resurrection | Connection, Disconnection, Repair
Disconnection is meant to help us course correct. There is a wisdom to how God created our body to experience emotions that kind of say, “Hey! Hold on…wait a minute…something isn’t quite right.” These emotions of hurt, disappointment, anger, sadness, pain, hopelessness are all there to signal both ourselves and our partner that something is wrong, and growth and change are needed. These painful emotions are our invitation for growth, deeper intimacy, and to get stronger even in the broken places.
For some couples, a quick reframe helps them approach disconnection differently; but for many of us, it can be hard to know what’s blocking our ability to go deeper and find repair. This is where therapy can help.
We help couples make sense of the breakdown, by organizing and bringing clarity to where you have gotten stuck, and putting words to the deeper places that have fueled disconnection, so you can not only repair but grow confidence in repairing time and time again. Learn more about couples therapy or connect with us below.